This one’s a keeper:
Subject Line: Your side will lose.
It is shrill little twerps like yourself that make me so unwilling to give a single inch. Every time someone like you opens their yap about how unfair life is when you are breaking the law, I am reminded of how much I want every last illegal sent back with one suitcase and a bus ticket since it would change your facebook status to a frowny face.
And it has been done before. We CAN do mass deportation:
I am CCing Senator Sessions with the link to your highly thought out response.
Bottom line. Keep your uninformed opinions until you turn 35 and have a stake in the game.
Captain Mike, email@example.com [Flavia’s note: this is not a joke. This is how he signs off, and this is his email]
And the pithy response:
Dear Captain Mike, Officer of the Empire,
Thank you for your reasoned response and compassion for other human beings. I will be sure to include your information in our petition. Thanks for the support!
Oh, and by the way, I’m a taxpaying citizen and my parents emigrated legally… and guess what, I still want others to have a path to legalization!
Cheers, have a lovely day.
P.S. In the end, the Rebel Alliance wins. I’m just saying.