DreamActivist answers Fanmail

“Dear DreamActivist: People in this country are sick and tired of all these illegal aliens and want them deported.  March all you want, but do it in a southerly direction, straight to Mexico.  Hard working americans are tired of your anchor babies and your women that are nothing more than breeders.  The men don’t want social security numbers because right now we support their brats.  and that would make them responsible.  Victeeeeeems bear no responsibility.  March, March, March It just makes us want you gone more.  Please drag out those mexican flags to show everyone exactly where their loyalites.  March south and take all your anchors with you Sincerely, Bernice Gunn.”

Thanks for writing in, Bernice! By visiting our site you have taken the first step towards educating yourself on a very important issue for so many Americans.  Since we are kind, generous, and always interested in bringing more people around to the cause, we’ll answer your questions step by step.

First, we’ve got to talk about “people in this country”.  Interestingly enough, you haven’t been elected Official Spokesperson for All Americans.  That actually happens once every four years.  Citizens over the age of 18 get to elect a person to act as our leader, and people around the world generally consider this leader the Official Spokesperson for All Americans.  We call this person “The President.”

The President actually hasn’t said that people are “sick and tired of all these illegal aliens and want them deported.”  Actually, he’s said:

“We need immigration reform that will secure our borders, and punish employers who exploit immigration labor; reform that finally brings the 12 million people who are here illegally out of the shadows by requiring them to take steps to become legal citizens.  We must assert our values and reconcile our principles as a nation of immigrants and a nation of laws.  That is a priority I will pursue from my very first day.”

“Something we can do immediately that I think is very important is to pass the DREAM Act, which allows children who through no fault of their own are here but ahve essentially grown up as Americans, allow them the opportunity for higher education.”

The President’s name is Barack Hussein Obama.  He said these things a couple years ago, and a lot of people agreed with what he was saying, so they picked him to be The Official Spokesperson for All Americans.  Cool, right? Note that The Official Spokesperson for All Americans needs to be reminded a lot about the promises he makes while he runs for President.

Second, we’ll address your question about the demographics of immigrants.  Unfortunately, not all immigrants are lucky enough to be from Mexico.  There are immigrants from all over the world and all continents (except Antarctica, of course. One day, though.) There are immigrants from Africa, Asia, Europe, Oceania, and the Americas.  The best part, Bernice, is that you too are a part of this incredible history of immigration to the United States! Assuming you are not a part of the original indigenous population of the continent that was nearly annihilated by the first immigrants, your ancestors also schlepped over great distances looking for a new, better life, ready to contribute to this country in a positive way.  Isn’t that awesome? You’re like one of us!

Third, we actually would all love to go to Mexico.  We deserve a vacation for working so hard to educate people like you, and Mexico is a beautiful, culturally rich country with a lot to see and do.  but the problem is, if some of us leave, we can’t come back into the country.  And that would suck, because our friends, family, and lives are here.  We want to be teachers, engineers, lawyers, and nurses here, in this country.  But if you help us change immigration law, we would love to take you up on the offer.

Fourth, the men actually would really, really like social security numbers.  They’re trying really hard to figure out ways to get those 9 digits.  Are you single and straight, Bernice?  If you want to help, you can send Gabe YOUR digits, and who knows… there may be wedding bells.

Fifth, thank you for your concern for women and children. That is quite progressive of you.  And if by “breeders” you mean “incredibly sexy people”, don’t hate us because it’s true, hate us because YO’ MAN THINKS SO!

Hope this helps. Don’t choke on the Haterade.




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